


Disease

by Mariah123



Category: Football RPF
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-18
Updated: 2016-01-18
Packaged: 2018-05-14 17:41:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,320
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5752339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mariah123/pseuds/Mariah123
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Neymar da Silva Santos junior, people don't know his true story, they only know what he has revealed. This is his unrevealed past and present.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Disease

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for all the people who've supported my fan fiction oh my god, I hope I get positive feedback for this one shot.

They're in love 

Is what Neymar thought as he saw Messi and Cristiano sit on the seats with their sons, they didn't see it, Real Madrid didn't see it, Barcelona didn't see it, but he saw it. Because, the truth was he knew, he knew how it felt to fall in love but not able to pursue a relationship, but it hurt so much because in football homosexuality is a sin, he doesn't understand why. When Barcelona look disgusted at Ronaldo and Messi he pretends to do the same but still he feels guilty because, he could have been Messi a few years ago.

Along time ago Neymar fell in love, with a male he had committed a sin, he ended it after he realised how it could affect his career and the person he loved, but sometimes he wonders, was it really worth it. Was losing love over a game that could kill him worth it, he has a son but no life partner, he wishes he had a partner, a male. But it can never happened, because he doesn't want to be a disappointment. He’s been one his whole life after his mother finds out about his sexuality she's disappointed so when he becomes a footballer he doesn't see the disappointment in her eyes. When he realises how his sexuality can affect his career he ignores it, because he doesn't want to become a disappointment not again,not ever.

He supports them, Cristiano and Messi he supports them because they remind him of him and his lover, they share the same looks, the same touches, the same everything. Neymar doesn't understand why he feels a sudden pain in his chest whenever he looks at Ronaldo and Messi. He doesn't like Cristiano, but when he sees Messi smile looking at Ronaldo, he can't help but smile. He can't help but envy the love, the bond they both share. But, the more Neymar thinks the more he understands how difficult it must be for Ronaldo, most people assume Messi has had it bad with his hormone deficiency, but what people forget is that Ronaldo had a heart surgery, he's suffered worst recovered faster. He doesn't know when, but he starts to respect Ronaldo.

Neymar thinks what could have been, if he decided to not play football, if he decided to not end his relationship, if he wasn't gay. The more he thinks the more Neymar gets angry. He's been treated so wrong for a long time and it's like he's become untouchable, gone are the kisses his mum used to bestow on his, gone is the pat on his back by his father, gone are the hugs from his cousins. Maria, she's the only one , the only one who hugs him, the only one who pats his back, the only one who kisses his cheeks , the only one not disappointed at him, the only one not afraid of catching his disease. She's the only one who says ‘it ain't a disease, it's who you are you're still my older brother and I love you’.

When he first came to Barcelona he didn't hug or shake anybody's hand, everybody thought he was a spoilt brat. Truth is he didn't want them to catch his disease and ruin their lives. So when he starts to shake hands and hug people, they just assumed he was okay and walked off, his teammates had asked what was wrong, he just gave them a satisfying answer and they don't bother to ask again. Neymar was sinking into this huge black pit and his mind tells him no could rescue me. He's too far gone he thinks.

As Neymar sits on his bed staring at the dark sky and looking upon a star, he wishes for it all to be okay. The next morning he has a match, he wakes up fresh and happy, his wish might be fulfilled he thinks. Innocent boy. He goes to play and realises his wish will never be fulfilled, and tears start to fill his eyes. The opposition they were laughing, because a gay had committed suicide. The next day his teammates don't ask and assume he's okay, he wonders, is he needed.

A few weeks after that incident he gets cornered by Messi, ‘are you okay’ he asks Neymar looks at Messi and decided he's done enough lying for a lifetime ‘I don't know’ he says and Messi nods ‘we aren't done talking about, I know there's something wrong’ Neymar nods and thinks while walking, he's the only that cares. He's the only kind one, maybe he's like me. Neymar thinks he's given Messi the disease, he doesn't talk to Messi again even after Messi tries his hardest. 

He sees footballer's laugh at a gay teenagers suicide and doesn't understand, doesn't understand why it's funny, doesn't understand why people like him and that teenager can't be normal. That night he goes home and cuts himself, disappointment is the word forever etched on his thigh.

He meets a fan today she's seven and tells him how much she loves him and how much she’d support him if anything happens. Neymar doesn't cut again,there are people out there who love him, he wonders, will they love me after they find out about my disease.

There are no happy endings not for people like him, he knows this because nobody likes people like him, sinners like him. But every night when he escapes into his dreamland he dreams of paradise, a paradise where he isn't a sinner and where he could love anyone, a male, where his mother isn't disappointed in him. He wonders, why can't this be reality?, why can't I love so freely?,why can't my mum accept me?, why can't I be me?. 

He prays everyday for a happy ending after praying he thinks, diseased people like you don't get happy endings. People like you don't deserve happy endings. Next day he goes to a team dinner and smiles, waves, hugs and shakes hands, I'm fine, I'm fine is what he says, I'm not fine is what he thinks as he feels nauseated seeing everyone look so happy. Why can't he be happy?.

The next day he wakes and on the news people are talking about how a homosexual deserved to die, he's sad the whole day even during training. Ironic, he's sad doing the one thing he used to live for. On the training ground he thinks he can finally feel safe, he doesn't think so after Pique and Iniesta make jokes about homosexuality, its strange that his house no longer feels like home.

Next day he has el clasico but still he feels sad, even when his team wins he can't bring himself to celebrate. As he exits the stadium he gets cornered by Pique, "are you okay" he asks Neymar opens his mouth but instead of lying he is truthfull " no" Neymar looks up and Pique's heart breaks when he sees Neymar's pained eyes. He opens his mouth but Neymar walks away with heavy steps and he can feel tears behind his eyes and for once, he let's them fall. 

Next day Pique sees Neymar smiling and thinks he's okay but he can't shake the feeling something isn't right, he goes to Neymar but seeing him smile he decides he'll ask later he completely forgets about it. He doesn't know Neymar thinks he doesn't matter, he doesn't know Neymar thinks nobody cares.

Next el clasico it's surprising who comforts him he exits the stadium and sees James Rodriguez he tried to avoid but he calls him, Neynar turns and walks to James " are you okay" James surprisingly asks "are you OK" Neymar doesn't know why but "no" is what he answers with and that's how he finds himself talking to James Rodriguez about his life and he can't help but think 'maybe someone does care'.


End file.
